THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY...!!!

• If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today.
• If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG insurance company one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
• If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers five years ago, you would have nothing today.
• If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have nothing today.

But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tesco's, drunk all the beer, then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received £214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!

Makes you proud to be British!

The Downing Street Siege

The Downing Street Siege ended peacefully this week when a fifty nine year old man (of no fixed address) was taken into custody to answer charges of impersonating a British Prime Minister, electoral fraud, and causing wilful damage to the economy. The accused reserved his plea, and was bound over to be on good behaviour until his next appearance.

The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money. - Margaret Thatcher

Anyone for Tea?

27/03/2010
Originally uploaded by CosmaP

The boys have a party in the garden.

Park Right!

Customer Satisfaction
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Dear Tide:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the Detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief!

Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Scuba Humor

(Turn the sound off if you speak German!)

Oldy But Goody!!

This is great fun but a real time waster as its hard to give up !!!!!!!

This is cool! Try not to spend all day at this... Hint: watch the wind sock.. err undies... for wind speed and direction! Click here: PARACHUTE JUMP

Can your pecker touch your ass?

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler

The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?'

Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'
The little boy answered : 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'.

Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'.

A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar.
The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?'

Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'
Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'.

Gramps replies, 'Then you're not man enough to have a cigar'.

A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies.

Grandpa asks, 'Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?'

The boy asks, 'Can your pecker touch your ass?'

Gramps replies , 'Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass'.

The little boy replies, 'Then go fuck yourself'. Grandma made these for me'.

http://www.freejokesrus.com

Free Jokes R Us

Free Jokes R Us

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The special dish

A gentleman goes to Spain to watch the famous bullfights... He watched in awe and sheer thrill as the faena ended and the Matador killed the bull...
Post the fight he walked into a nearby Spanish restaurant for his lunch.. He noticed there was a Special Dish of the day, also the most expensive on the menu... He ordered the same and was served a delicious meal of two large meatballs on spaghetti with a delightful sauce... He enjoyed the meal, passed on his compliments to the Chef and went back to his hotel...
The next day, due to a packed schedule he missed the bullfight, but nevertheless makes it to the restaurant for lunch... He orders for the Special Dish of the day... And this time is served a meal with two very small meatballs on spaghetti with a delightful sauce... He summoned the head waiter and complained about the size of the meatballs in the meal...
The headwaiter listened to his complaint in absolute silence, and then said, " Si Senor, but you see, the Bull... he does not always lose"

New sites go live!

So after dithering for ages I bit the bullet and had my two main sites rebuilt.  I think that they have both come out really nicely.

http://www.cosmapapouis.com showcases my professional skills and the services I offer.  I think it has a great clean look and is modern, without being “in your face”.

http://www.freejokesrus.com makes it really easy for me to add new material and gives users the chance to add stuff as well.   I hope to add more features over time.  Currently the only comment mechanism is to email me (the owner) but I hope to add a comment system soon.

Thanks to Colin Jarvis of Jarvis Web and Graphic Solutions for all his work on this.

If you would like us to take a look at your web site or wish to have a web presence drop me a line and we will be glad to assist you.

del.icio.us Tags: Business-Webdev

Hundreds Attend Global Warming Protest

Bailout Mascot Debuts

Someone is ALWAYS watching.....................

DVDs, damned DVDs, and region restrictions.

Just seen this:

Meanwhile, it has been revealed that the gift Obama gave to Gordon Brown when he visited the White House last month - 25 classic American movies - was spoiled by a technical glitch.

When the Prime Minister went to watch one of the movies the other night, he found the films only worked in DVD players made in North America and the words "wrong region" came up on his screen. A Downing Street spokesman said he was "confident" that any gift Obama gave Brown would have been "well thought through": well, perhaps not *that* well thought through.

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Now, can we please get rid of that nonsense?

Dream on.

Dispute Between Neighbours

Dispute Between Neighbours - this is a true story...

A city councilman in Utah , Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the lot below his house and built a new home.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance.

The new neighbour had to drop the roof line, at great expense.

Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new neighbour had installed some vents on the side of his home.

Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate.

When they went to Mark's home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found...

Pollyanna communication and moaning

Bad telephone connection 
An Arkansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. 

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. 

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar. 

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate. 

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. 

Thought you'd like to know that. 

How to recognize a millionaire.

Why you are so fat

Is it bad if that all looks really tasty to me?

Check out the Bacon Cheese Pizza Burger on page 3

http://thisiswhyyourefat.com

 

Rye Bread

Two old guys,  one 80 and one 87,  were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did  to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, "Well,  I eat rye bread every day.  It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So,  on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery.  As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said  "Do you have any Rye bread?"
She said,  "Yes,  there's a whole shelf of it.   Would you like some?"
He said,  "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness,  5 loaves ...  by the time you get to the 5th loaf,   it'll be hard."
He replied,  "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this shit but me."