How long does it take to get from Birmingham to London?

I always thought you could mask this journey in under 3 hours (on a motorbike so that traffic is not really an issue).

Well Demon Internet have taken 2 days to NOT get a router delivered from their Birmingham based router provisioning department (external supplier).

The story so far…

On Wednesday at approximately 2:00 I called Demon to tell them that our router had failed. Foolishly I called the standard fault line 0845 2720040. After about 15 minutes of talking to a lady she still could not find us on the system and would not discuss our issue. I got fed up and tried calling the number I should have used in the 1st place. Yes I know, it was my mistake, but it was a simple fault (viz the router had died).

I called the correct number 0845 2720054 and, after a further 15 mins waiting, spoke a knowledgeable young man that correctly diagnose that the router was broken. I explained to him that this was urgent and that we would happily pay for a courier to get it here ASAP. He said that the “Cut-Off” time for deliveries was 3:00 and he should be able to get it in for next day delivery. He promised to call back and confirm, if there were any issues. As we did not hear I assumed all was OK.

Thursday. Morning. No delivery. Wait… 12:00 No delivery. Call Demon.

Apparently even though we had made the cut-off time we had only done so by 5 mins and so our order had not been processed. Surely a cut-off time means that that items received before will be processed and items received after will not. Perhaps they should rename it “Cut-Off time’ish”. We will process stuff received before, if we feel like it. Or perhaps they should move the cut-off time forward to 2:30.

We again offered to pay for a courier and were told it would cost £175 and may get here by 8:00pm! (5 hours from Birmingham??). We were advised that we could have it delivered by 9:00am for free. We agreed, assuming it would definitely be here.

Friday. Morning. No delivery. 10:00 Start to chase.

1st Steven Costello (allegedly a manager – 01702 2446611) tells me that they had tried to deliver it this morning, but they could not find us. We are in the Lloyds Building in the centre of the City of London. It is quite a distinctive building and hard to miss (http://www.lloyds.com/About_Us/The_Lloyds_building/Pictures_of_the_building-exterior/)

He says he will chase it. 11:00 I get a call from Minesh. He is from the provisioning department. I tell him that I want it delivered by 12:00. He cannot do that so I request that one be put on a bike in Birmingham, he can’t do that either. I ask to speak to his boss (Sally Barton). She is not available so I said that I wanted the issue escalating. Apparently that is to Anastasia Carter. But she is not available so I get Katy Venus (0845 2700052).

This is like talking to a brick wall. She ignores the fact that it should have been here at 9:00 and discovers that the courier has apparently gone AWOL (http://www.hdnl.co.uk). If that is the case then how do they know that he had tried to deliver it and couldn’t?

I asked for the name of the Senior person at Demon. Apparently it is Stuart Smyth (0141 567 1234). I call and leave 2 messages.

Katy is chasing. I make repeat requests for the router to be put on a bike. All refused. She starts to quote SLA’s (Service Level Agreements) and I point out that regardless of what the SLA says 2 DAYS! is too long for a company to be down and to get a parcel from Birmingham. Silence.

1:00pm I get a call back from Stuart, he says he will look into it. I then get a call and a text from Katy telling me that the couriers are in the area and may get it here by 3:00pm. I asked “if they are in the area, can I go and meet him and collect the router?” apparently not. I asked about plan “B”. What do you mean? I mean what are you going to do if it is not here by 3?? Nothing. There is no plan B.

She gives me a tracking number and a website for HDNL. She does not seem to see the irony in this (i.e. How can I check the website when out router is dead!!).

A quick visit to an internet cafe and the lies start to appear…

03/12/2009 20:49:00 DROITWICH Sorted at our hub
04/12/2009 05:53:00 NEW CROSS DEPOT Received into depot
04/12/2009 09:24:00 NEW CROSS VAN Loaded on to the drivers van

If it only got put on the van at 9:24 this morning how could they have failed to deliver it BEFORE 9:00?

Draw your own conclusions.

OK, so it’s now 1:20pm… Lets see what happens shall we. I will not be holding my breath.

Watch this space…